Naked Glamour

With the end in mind.

2010-03-16T23:33:00.002+08:00

Sometimes I wonder, why do people start something knowing very well that it will end.

"I don't want to waste her time when I don't intend to marry her"

Truth to be spoken, then why start?

A lesson from the rain

2010-03-09T13:30:00.002+08:00

It was close to midnight, quiet and almost empty, barely a sight of life, she packed quickly and left. It had been a busy day, endless deadlines, she had to finish what she had planned to finish before she leaves for a short get away. Friends, they kept her phone busy, they were supposed to celebrate this day for no particular reason. Not any special occasion that she knows of,ironically, it was just a regular Thursday party.

The plan was to meet fifteen minutes before one, she had sufficient time to get home, get changed and head out. Finding umbrella cumbersome, she had kept one in the office for rainy days. Indeed, it was of use today.

The rain was heavy, it was as though someone up there was weeping. The roads were dimly lit, visions were poor. In hopes of hailing a cab, she saw a couple waving for pick up, along the corridor, hoping to get noticed.

"Hello, are you flagging a cab?"

"Yes and so?" the woman snapped.

"Let me help" she smiles.

The woman wore a different expression almost instantly.

Under the storm, she stood, something about this rain made her particularly moody. Perhaps it was the location, could be memories too. For the next twenty minutes, no taxi stopped by her. The couple in the shade were long gone, given up on waiting and found another alternative. But for her, she stayed rooted to the same spot, waiting.

Quite silly, you must have thought but there was this feeling of not wanting to lose stirring up inside, fighting fiercely. She just stayed there for another twenty minutes, hoping to get noticed, just hoping. She raised her hands occasionally, perhaps not fast enough, two empty cabs passes her by and maybe, just maybe, they were rushing to be home, to someone who's dear.

In a distance, not far away, she spotted a green light of hope. As it drove towards her, she remembered feeling relieved. Relieved that she stood by her decisions, relieved that waiting got her somewhere, relieved that someone finally saw her.

As it approaches, a man in suit appeared no five meters away, held up his hand and jumped right into her hope. It was apparent that she was waiting, how could anyone be so oblivious? The driver saw her, no doubts, why did he pick someone else instead?

For that moment, she wasn’t sure if that was rain drops in her eyes, it felt warm. Someone else was enjoying the fruit of her labor and that isn’t fair.

It’s not fair that she spent forty five minutes waiting while he spent five. It’s not fair that she was drenched while he was dry. It’s not fair that she waited to get noticed and she never did.

Fairness; if things could reach equilibrium, there would not be segregation between the rich and the poor, the King and the peasants, the powerful and the weak. No one told her how bad this would hurt. That night, she woke up to keep away from altruism.

noun
the belief in or practice of disinterested and selfless concern for the well-being of others

No more silly gestures and silly waiting games. It’s goodbye and she's almost there. Not easy but her heart's cold.

It's not something to go through again, this painful heart wrenching thing.

Last Carnival

2010-02-09T13:56:00.000+08:00

This carnival, a big fanfare
For a night of fun, everyone’s there
But into midnight, this land’s a little bare
Time to pack up as the ringmaster declares
Fancy lights were put to fade
Debts and bills has been paid
and the memories of the carnival on still replays

The band played on from dusk to dawn
The beat goes on like a music marathon
First day light and time is almost gone
A new chapter has just been born

Another place, another phase
And a new crowd to embrace
Take a step back, don’t start to chase
In the heart, this will never be replaced

Goodbye to the laughter
Goodbye to the pain
Goodbye to this land which had once kept us sane

The Test of Time

2009-10-11T04:13:00.004+08:00

There’s this man whom I’ll wait and he is only twenty eight.

He often asks why I don’t go out for dates.

There must be someone out there, I then said; let’s leave it all to fate.

But he will never know that it’s him whom I’ll wait.

He looks out for me in every possible way

And if someone were to spoil my day

He would make sure that I’m okay

In his way, he would say, “Hello small one, don’t look so grey”

It’s queer how he managed to steal my words

With him around, I’m like a flustered little bird

I try to look perfect yet he appears only when I’m wrecked

He would then make everything seems all quite right

This man is fond of disappearing acts

Affections and attentions, he would attract

Then, he would be gone for a good six months

There, I have no idea if this was his stance.

Back in my life and then off he goes

This man of twenty-eight,

This man I’ll wait.

There’s this woman whom I’ll wait and she is only twenty eight.

She often asks why I don’t go out for dates.

There must be someone out there, I then said; just leave it all to fate.

But she will never realized that it’s her whom I want to date.

She looks out for me in every possible way

And if someone were to spoil my day

She would make sure that I’m okay

In her way, she would say, “Hello small one, don’t look so gray”

It’s queer how she managed to steal my words

With her around, I’m like a flustered little bird

I try to look perfect yet she appears only when I’m wrecked

She would then make everything seems all quite right

This woman is fond of disappearing acts

Turning heads and eye contacts, she gets all that

Off she goes for a good six months

There, I have no idea if this was her stance.

Back in my life and she disappears

This woman of twenty-eight,

This woman I’ll wait.

The Time Game, both men and women, alike.

A letter to Mr. Porcupine

2009-09-25T02:41:00.002+08:00

Dear Mr. Porcupine they've always asked
Why do you put on that defensive mask?

That armor of steel, those stiff and sharp spines.
They must be heavy, is that why you sigh?

You seemed ready to put up any fight
In fact, I know you rather take flight.

So that no one gets hurt when they come too near
And that no one must know what makes you tear

Dear Mr. Porcupine, are you tired?
You mentioned that things will be fine when it's all quiet.

And because you were born this way
Your fate, you don't have a say

Whoever, whichever
There will be this distance, if they matter.

Dear Mr. Porcupine.

Colours of Joy

2009-09-16T02:32:00.002+08:00

State of mind in green and blue
Intoxicated, you don’t have a clue

Colours of joy, so many toys
Stop the clock and let’s unwind.

One wild night, you’re feeling alright
One wild night, you’re blinded by lights.

Come dawn, you will forget
In the dark, the people you’ve met

For now, let’s enjoy
A trick of fate, despite a ploy

Twilight zone, you and I
A shadow, I can’t find

Are you looking for something?

2009-08-29T17:33:00.001+08:00

Searching and looking, for sure you’ve lost something.

What is it that’s so precious?
What made you faithless?

Searching and finding, I’m sure I’ve lost something.

Something that skips the beat my heart makes
Something that sends a regular heartache

Searching and seeking.
When something is missing, it will never be back.

Searching and hunting.
It might just be where you’re at.

Alone

2009-08-22T03:00:00.001+08:00

Joyous occasion, they celebrated your birth
Welcome my dear, welcome to Earth.
We have everything you need and us, you’ll learn to love.

Happy moments, they celebrated your first
Happy birthday my dear, you’re so precious
We will protect you and it’s us, you will turn to.

You will be happy as you grow
We’ll teach you as your life unfolds
Our hands, you’ll learn to hold
Your problems, we will be told.

Time flew, she grew

What happened to the promises and that, how true?
What they didn’t mention is that you leave the world the way you came.

Alone.
Now, now, who can you turn to?

Crowded Hawker Stall

2009-08-11T00:20:00.000+08:00

The smell of oil and noisy chatters
spells lunch time for city dwellers

Nonchalantly, she arrives
looking for something that would last her till five.

With nothing in mind, she lets out a sigh
lunch seems heavier with an impending stormy sky.

One stall particularly caught her eye
everyone was queuing and she wonders why

Part of her wanted to join the waiting list
Part of her wants to give it a miss

Adjacent to the stall, at an empty corner.
The crowd seems smaller, close to none.

Something tells her to keep out of the queue
Just a face in the crowd; she wouldn't want to feel.

With her back turned, she left for the quieter side
Her vision never left but she's trying to hide.

Then again, if given any chance.
She would put up a honorable fight
for her right kind of wrong, she would describe in a song.

Was yours

2009-07-13T17:26:00.001+08:00

This race, long and grueling
This face, familiar and worth remembering

This time, you once had
This race, you once led
This heart was once your match

Now, don’t look back and bear regrets
About this girl you didn’t catch.

Clown

2009-06-30T16:19:00.000+08:00

If there's a chance you would turn around and notice I've been here all these while.

If there's a chance you would think of me and if that will cast a smile.

If there's a chance to say, I would ask "how's your day?"

If there's a chance, if I may.

You and me, She and He.

2009-06-21T02:10:00.001+08:00

The world keeps rotating, it never stops.
They keep walking, it’s not their fault.
He, decided and left
He, our paths will never clash
She, alone and sad
She, don’t know where she’s at

You, it’s just my thoughts
You, what were my odds?
You, I could have fought
You, a lesson taught.

Me, I’m at the same spot.
Pride, what have I got?

Life Cycle

2009-06-08T03:20:00.004+08:00

You cringed your face in disgust and you made a fuss
What you didn’t know was that I controlled to my very last.

You invited your friends; I dressed up to look my best.
You put me away in the room and said you will be busy with your guests.

You turned around and hissed at me for walking so slowly
I was causing you to miss your movie.
What you didn’t know was that I was ignoring my faulty knee.

You got impatient waiting for me to finish my line
You always forget your watch, I merely wanted to remind

I guess you had it all forgotten
But I was glad I was there when it happened.

I was holding you but you decided to let loose,
All I know was that I was covered with your poo.

My friends came over; you were wearing a stained sun suit
I took your picture, showed everyone, I said my son is very cute.

We were on the way home, you barely started walking.
I was holding your hand with my back bending
It always takes me ten minutes, that week, it took us an hour

Ba pa ba, you were making sounds.
Though I couldn’t figure out, I was dumbfound
Never mind the fact you couldn't pronounce, I anticipated your every line.

These will always be my fond memories of you
When I’m gone, would you dare say the same too?

Healed

2009-06-03T00:18:00.000+08:00

When you tell yourself it’s time and that person will never be mine

It’s alright dear, it’s all fine, just teach your heart to be kind

When you tell yourself to move, remember, that wasn’t a game that you lose

Keep yourself away from that person’s news, you will find a brand new you

When you tell yourself your wound has healed, step out of that shield.

Let that person into your field as a new friend, now how’d you feel?

When you tell yourself there’s no strings attached, you had left your heart detached

But a part of you in fact, you can never have it back.

That’s why they say the heart can be revived

No matter how many times it was broken, it will always be alive.

And a part of you will always be gone, yet without it, you’ll still survive

Because that part is a memory from a lesson you would derive

Clown

2009-05-24T03:21:00.003+08:00

This carnival, a big fanfare

For a night of fun, everyone’s there

Carousel, it never stops

Round and round, it dries your teardrops.

Big Ferris wheel, high and almighty

It will keep you away from life’s’ ugly.

Center of attraction, there was a clown.

Colours on his face and he never frowns.

His funny antics cheered the crowd

But they will never know there’s story behind this shroud.

This clown had to do what he has to do

Though at times, he might feel like a fool

No one will remember him after the morning twilight

The joy that he brought will cease tonight.

The smiles on his face was to deceit

When the light is out, he would retreat

Brightly lit up, this midnight sky

The supposedly dreary night was set on high

Streams of laughter followed closely by

These people, they had their childhood rewind.

This clown, his life and purpose was re-defined.

If you could stop for while to remember his smile

It might make his life a little more worthwhile.

An Angel's mark

2009-05-17T23:22:00.000+08:00

An Angel’s mark was what Mom said, only special people gets this cleft
It was God’s way, his way to embed, good boys and good girls; on the lips, towards the left

I looked into the mirror for an answer
A reason for me to feel better
I told mom to make it disappear
She could only say, “I’m sorry, my dear.”

Days with My Mother

2009-05-13T23:55:00.002+08:00

School bag in her hands, she turned to leave
I watched her go with a tinge of grief
This little funny girl was mine to keep
As time passes, I had lost my grip

Callousness in her eye, she stared at me
Where is the woman whom I'll greet with glee?
This mother of mine, my hair she would caress
As time passes, I was never her best

Fast paced rat race
Preparing her for the things she might face

Too fast, mom, are work loads a must?
I miss your kisses, I miss having a blast.

Breakfast on our table, we paused to pray
Thanking God for yet another new day
Barely awake, we say our grace
I wish I could still caress her face

Breakfast on our table, she paused to pray
Quietly, I watched her as she say her grace
On her hair were tinges of gray
that tells her story as if a screenplay

As we eat, we tried to speak
Of what's coming up for her work week
Clients and clients, she had to meet
I wonder if she remembers her meals that she must eat.

As we eat, we tried to speak
I told her my schedule for the week
I wished there was a day she would pick
for us to travel or to meet

Brief case in her hands, she turned to leave
I watched her go with a tinge of grief
This lady of mine, I used to keep
But as time passes I lost my grip.

Emptiness in her eyes, she stood by the gate
How I wished time hasn't dictated our fate
I still think of our laughter
I love you, my mother.